last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize