I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
