I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
