how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
