Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
