if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
