mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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