I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
how drunk are you?
Several
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
