I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
