I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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