okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
