dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
