better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
