I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
