I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Randomize
