I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize