carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
