Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
