I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We are all done wearing pants today
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
