he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She's the barista slut.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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