i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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