So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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