she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
