dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
