i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
