Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
two words...techno handjob
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
