tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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