I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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