I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
