I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
