when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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