hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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