The brown eye won't let me do that either.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
