While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
