I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
