heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize