This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
