I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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