Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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