I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
