Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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