and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You were trust falling into bushes
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
