My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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