they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
