just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
