I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
