I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
thus making me awesome and them whores
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
