I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
