my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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