just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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