drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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