Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
