I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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