I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
