I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
