he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
