so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
