Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
