you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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