My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
