Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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