God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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