I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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