So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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