You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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