you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My ass is underappreciated
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize