dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
