I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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