i think my mom watched the whole time
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Come on in and take your pants off
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