Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
