On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
we made out on top of his cat.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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