I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
