my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
