Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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