UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize