She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
