Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
as a side note pls kill me
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
