How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
