i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
