Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
