I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize