He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
