i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
