shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
