now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
FUCK WHALES
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
