You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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