Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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