she pinky promised me she was 18
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
