you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
