remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
