Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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