Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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